Life, love, & Lily.

the ninth month.

Here's the last belly photo you guys will see. Nine freaking months. 36 weeks.

 

 

The difference between this & the seven month photo is kind of crazy. I am huge and uncomfortable and have to roll myself out of bed, but there's only four more weeks! Maybe even less than that. But realistically, probably a few days more. Dear god, please don't be more than a couple days past my due date, Lily. Mama's body can't take it!

 

I am getting really excited and really nervous. But thankfully, I still feel surprisingly good. Walking just about every day, keeping the house clean, and trying to continue to eat well. And I have never felt less guilty about my mid-afternoon naps.

a little delayed, but 8 months none the less.

8 months pregnant belly photo. Allison & I at my baby shower. 

 

 

I am so over being pregnant! I'm ready for Lily to be here. I'm ready to not have swollen feet and ankles by the end of the day. I'm ready to not carry around this extra weight. I'm ready to have my damn body back! Lily, I love you & everything, but you've gotta go (I'll give you a few more weeks to cook, then my body & I are kicking you out).

 

All that being said, I held my hand on my stomach the entire drive home and felt her kicking around strongly. I'm going to miss those kicks when they're gone. It's going to be extremely weird not being pregnant anymore.

yowza.

I swear this kid is trying to kick and punch her way out of my uterus right now. She's super active. Doesn't she know it is WAY past my bedtime? 10:30PM is a time I rarely see these days. Tonight I decided to be a party animal, though, and I went over to my co-workers house for birthday cake and a glass of red wine. I didn't even make it through the wine (though I did make it through the cake, duh). We went and saw her neighbor's daughter, as well, who was born just two days ago. It's freaky that in only 5.5 weeks I will have a tiny little baby of my own! What the fuck, man!

 

I've been doing a lot of work on Lily's room lately. I washed and put away all of her clothes, prepped most of her diapers, and decorated a little bit. I got a ton of stuff at the baby shower so I'm working on finding a place for all of it and starting to make sure everything is set and ready for her arrival (juuust in case she decides to come early).

 

Speaking of the baby shower, it was GREAT. I got to spend time with a lot of terrific people, we ate some good food complements of my mama, and tie-dying baby clothes was enjoyed by all! I'm going to have the most colorful baby in all of the land!

 

After the baby shower, I put in one last order for diaper shit that I need and hopefully it'll be here by tomorrow so I can start prepping those! Ugh, the prepping process is pretty annoying. All of the cotton and bamboo diapers and inserts I bought need to be washed 3-5 times to reach maximum absorbancy. You also have to be careful what you wash them with because if you mix some of the synthetic materials with the natural fibers during prep, you can fuck it up! Luckily, after the prepping process, washing becomes much easier. I am excited to finally use the diapers and experiment with what works best.

 

Well, as I mentioned before, it is past my bedtime, so I'm going to leave this short and sweet and end with some low-quality pictures of Lily's room so far. No theme, no color scheme. Nothing special but it feels cozy and is coming together slowly but surely.

Cute onesies on display - tie dye credit to my brother!

A wall with stuff and some furniture. Thrilling. The shelf contains  my stash of cloth diapers, which is becoming quite extensive.

A quirky little decoration Auntie Tara found, I love it!

This shelf.... this shelf was the bane of my existence last night.  I still don't trust it. The striped blanket came all the way from Massachusetts, knitted by a talented pair of hands belonging to Hannah.

A glass piece from my favorite ranch lady, Mary Ann  (geez, Lily - so many people love you already!)

A map of the moon, in case she ever wants to go.

Where I hope she dreams of the most wonderful things.

the final stretch (HEH. GET IT?!)

I haven't been posting too much lately, huh? I've been keeping pretty busy and I am also pretty tired by the end of the day when I would have a free chance to post. So I apologize for the updates being few and far between, but trust me, everything is great!

 

I am still loving my new job. I started my programs last week and so far so good. I had a native plant group come out last week and they totally blew me out of the water with their knowledge, but I think I was still able to teach them some broader ideas about the role of plants here and I definitely learned some new stuff, too.

 

As for little Lilian, she's still kickin' and movin' and growin'. Apparently she's growing a LOT. I had my first doctor's appointment here two weeks ago & the doctor said I was measuring big. Okay, no big deal, maybe it's my extra cushion that's causing it. Nope - I'm measuring SIX WEEKS ahead. SIX FREAKING WEEKS. The doctor didn't seem overly concerned but it definitely made me worry that maybe somehow my due date has been off this whole time and instead of having ten weeks left I only have four and oh my god what the helllllllll?! But I calmed down soon enough to rationalize the possibilities. A) Lily's position at the time. B) Gestational diabetes. C) She's just a big ol' baby. D) Amount of fluid.

 

At my appointment yesterday afternoon, I was STILL measuring six weeks ahead, so I think A can be ruled out. What are the chances that she'd be in the same position two appointments in a row causing me to be ahead the exact same amount of time?

 

I had my glucose test done (finally) after the first appointment and yesterday the doctor told me I passed with flying colors. You've got to get under a 140 to pass, my levels were at 80! You rock, body. Keepin' me all healthy and shit. So we can nix B now, too...

 

And now we come to C and D. I have an ultrasound scheduled for my next appointment so that will hopefully determine what the cause is! For all I know, I'll give birth to a toddler because the father weighed 10+ pounds when he was born. For the love of god, Lily, please don't be giant.

 

I am officially 8 months pregnant now. Time is just flying by. Before I know it, she'll be here. And if she really is as big as she may be, ten bucks says she's comes early. I'm running out of time! I feel like there is still so much to do, when in reality, none of the things that are left are necessary. I have a place for her to sleep, I have diapers, I have her car seat. If she comes unexpectedly, at least I have the basics covered. Nursery decor can wait. I doubt she'll give two shits whether or not her room looks pretty. She'll be too busy pooping and crying and eating and sleeping. Man, that sounds like the life.

for hannah.

7 months - ready for my clothes to fit again. Hellooooo jogging stroller!

 

 

settling in.

Dottie and I are settling into our new life very nicely. The house is cozy, civilization is quite enjoyable, and I am surprisingly pleased with the way my new job is going! I know I had a few doubts before heading out here, but now that work has begun and I am starting to get into the swing of it, I know 100% that this was the right decision, hands down. I am going to be extremely happy here. 

 

Third trimester officially started on Monday. Fucking crazy, man. I swear, this pregnancy is flying by. And man oh man, has it been easy. Aside from being tired, I have had zero problems or issues. No morning sickness, no real aches and pains, no swelling, NADA! I thank my lucky stars for the lack of complications and discomforts. 

 

The nursery is progressing and it makes me really excited and happy.

 

Life is pretty damn good.

 

a letter to the mother of the father.

Dear You,

 

How can you find your son's behavior acceptable? I'm sure he has told you all sorts of unpleasant (and untrue) things about me, including his notion that this child isn't his, which he has expressed to me repeatedly. I assure, though, this child IS his and he will be held responsible for it.

 

What he probably DIDN'T tell you, though, was how he repeatedly tried to pressure me into getting an abortion (very Christian of him), how he became verbally abusive towards me, and how he acted so erratically that it caused him to temporarily lose his law enforcement commission. I'm sure he conveniently left those parts out in lieu of the lies that portray him as the victim.

 

Your son is not the wholesome, Christian person you seem to think he is. He is an appalling human being and I truly feel sorry for his new girlfriend, fiance, whoever she is. She is no one to me and her title is of no significance. I just hope for her sake, as another woman, that she is aware of the kind of person he truly is. And a person's true colors ALWAYS show in the face of adversity.

 

All I know is that, if I were having a son, if he ever acted the way your son has in the face of responsibility for his own actions, I would be truly embarrassed and ashamed. And I would feel like a failure. A failure for raising a human being that had no sense of morality or empathy or honesty or goodness. A failure for raising a human being that can preach all day about the importance of Jesus Christ and Christianity but whose actions are so far displaced from his words that it is laughable. And a failure for being blind to it all, even when it is staring you right in the face.

 

I truly hope you, your family, and your son stay away from me and my daughter. I will protect her from the negativity you breed at all costs.

current bullet points of my life

• it is getting seriously hard to put my socks and shoes on
• banana chips are the shit
• BREAKING BAD.
• packing sucks

That is all for now.

home sweet home!

After a stressful and seemingly fruitless search, I have finally found my new home. Thanks to some detective work from a friend of mine, I'll be living in a cute, comfortable, upgraded two bedroom home that is very 'me'. Wood floors, huge kitchen with tons of counter space, a front and back porch, and a safe neighborhood. I am grateful and, even though I may go broke paying for it, it's worth it to be somewhere nice and, most importantly, safe. I'll get to check the place out first hand next week, but for now, here are some photos of its glory.

 

Where my little family will begin.

 

 

Look at all the sunshine. And a dishwasher!

 

 

 

 

I'm already excited to decorate for our first Christmas...!

 

well, here's to opening a new chapter in the middle of a new chapter.

So I've been holding off on bringing this up here until it was official, and as of today it is official. I am moving out of Fort Davis. There are so many emotions wrapped up in this decision, and I can easily say that it has been one of the toughest decisions I have ever made.

 

I love it here. I really do. I love my job, I love my mountains, I love the weather, I love small town living. But with small town living comes the downside of small town resources (which can be slim to none). I'm okay with not having access to shopping malls or Target or even HEB, as much as I miss it. But with a child, I need daycare. There are few options out here in terms of childcare, and the ones that are available.. I'm not terribly comfortable with. I already really don't like the idea of daycare, especially for a three month old, but it's a reality that I need to accept. I refuse to accept anything less than quality. And in Fort Davis, the options that are available simply do not meet my standards. Get your damn CPR certifications at least, people!

 

It sucks, this whole leaving thing. I feel like I am just getting started. There are so many things I'd love to see get accomplished in this park, and I want to be the one to accomplish them. There are so many things I'm struggling to let go. The few people that I've become close with, the relationship that I have developed with the Humane Society (THE NEXT INTERPRETER BETTER BE A FUCKING DOG LOVER AND CONTINUE THIS), the park hosts that I won't be here to greet when they return in the winter. It's the little things that are making this so hard. 

 

I know I'll be happy where I'm going. I'll get to add some new tricks of the trade to my resume because of it. I'll be closer to home, closer to friends, closer to the large support group that I know I will so desperately need in the coming year. But it is hard. I won't lie. I'm not ready to leave, but I am ready to accept that it is no longer about my personal desires or wishes. I'm doing this for us. For me and Lily. For my family.