It's Christmas morning and Lily is snoozing away in her bouncy chair and I finally have a few free minutes so here is the story of miss Lilian's birth.
My December 15th due date rolled around, and right on cue I was woken up by contractions at 4:30am. They stayed mild and consistent throughout the day & it gave my mom and Kim time to make the drive to me. They arrived in the early afternoon & we putzed around all day, just waiting. Shortly after we all headed to bed, the pain started to increase. I knew there was going to be no sleep for me that night. We decided to go ahead and make the trip to the hospital. After checking in & getting settled into my room, the nurses checked me. I was only 2cm dilated. That was disheartening after 14 hours of early labor, but I was excited to know that they were admitting me for labor and I would soon have my little lady in my arms!
I walked the halls of L&D; for hours. In between the walks, I paced around the room. I tried to stay out of the bed as much as possible. I was becoming progressively more uncomfortable. Around 7am, I was only at 5cm and beginning to doubt myself. We had been at the hospital for almost eight hours and I had only progressed 3cm. If the last 5cm were going to take another eight hours, could I do it?
The nurse I had overnight knew I was shooting for a completely natural birth & when I got there she told me she had ordered pain medicine to have on hand but that she wouldn't offer it to me. Yet every time she came in, she'd ask me to rate my pain and when I did, she'd ask me if I wanted something for it. It was pretty obnoxious but I just kept saying no to her. At one point she was trying to convince me that getting an epidural would be a good option for me. It was tempting at the time, but my stubborness and my desire for the birth to be on my terms kept those temptations at bay. Finally, at shift change, that nurse left and the one that came in was far better at leaving me alone about the medicine. She even set up the monitors on me so that the baby could be monitored while I stood next to the bed or leaned over the counter, too. That was unbelievably helpful. When I did have to be in the bed for periods of time, Kim & my mom helped by putting cool washcloths on my head and holding my hands.
More and more time passed and I finally asked for a birthing ball. The relief from it was immense but short lived. After only a few bounces, my water suddenly broke and I jumped quickly to 7cm. For anyone that has done a hospital birth, you will know that once your water breaks, the walking and bouncing and everything else that makes the pain tolerable is nixed and you are then bed ridden. Which sucks because what came next was the worst of it all...
I spent the next hour and a half in transition, just absolutely miserable. My mom said I looked like a wild animal. My hair was a mess, I was making all sorts of guttoral sounds, and I was on all fours with my bare ass exposed to the world & not a single fuck was given. This was the hardest hour and a half of my life. The contractions were just ungodly. There are no distractions from them. I just had to grit my teeth and push through, one after the other, as they came in waves.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, my doctor was in the room and it was time to push. This was the easy part. After being in labor for thirty hours, dealing with contraction after contraction and running on zero sleep, pushing was relief for me. After pushing through just three contractions, Lilian Avery entered the world at 10:37am on December 16, 2013. I lost a lot of blood after delivery which sucked and made me feel extremely woozy. I could barely even enjoy the first few moments with my daughter. But after a Pitocin drip to stop the bleeding and a couple of stitches, she was in my arms and my whole world changed in an instant. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Even as I look at her right now, I still can't believe it is real. That she is real. And she is mine.
She is nine days old today and it has been the most amazing week and a half of my entire life. I am just so in love. Nothing else matters at all. The road that led me here was not easy but none of that matters anymore. There is no room for anger in my heart. It is too full of joy and love.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
